Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Warning: Sharp Pointy Sticks

For awhile I'll be referring to some of you as "the followers" and expect you to be bored by the subject matter while I get everyone caught up. Some of you who haven't been by the old site for awhile will not have to worry about being uninformed so you can just read along and hopefully find yourself now in 'the know'.

A few weeks ago my eldest daughter began the process of separating from her husband of seven years. She's had some problems the past few years with depression and anxiety and it has even gotten to the stage where she's had a couple of series of ECT treatments. The last one and subsequent medication seems to have her in a better place than she's been in for, say, fifteen years! Since recovering from this last series, for lack of a better way of putting it, she's "grown a backbone" and has stopped being the namby-pamby pliable woman that her husband married. He doesn't seem to like that.

In the weeks leading up to the separation, some things were said that could not be reversed. A real major problem is that he says he has no feelings for her son from her first marriage. He's been around this kid since he was 3 years old and tells daughter that he felt rejected by him in the beginning. Oh, and also, "he has a dad". Well, yeah... so? Did you even try getting to know him? I may be biased, but he's a terrific kid. We even joke in the family that he's an alien, he's so well behaved.

After leaving her and moving in with one of his buddies, and finally having some talks between them, he now tries to back-pedal and tell her that he just meant he didn't love him like a son, but he loves him like a little brother. Whatever.

I'm skeptical. I'm totally fried and frustrated with it all. This man was a rebound for my daughter, I know it, but he really seemed to try and win her heart... until he caught her. Then he reverted to the 350lb (400lb?) slob he is. He quit trying. He became the blob in the corner who played computer games all day and night and didn't even bother to pick up his soda cans or his filthy socks or food remains... until they collected in a heap of crap on and around his desk. (She cleaned it all once and got yelled at for 'touching his stuff'.)

Yes, he worked. He went to work except on the days that he felt he needed to stay home with is wife as she was recovering from her treatments. That's all well and nice, except it was a glorified babysitting job that several other family members offered to do just so he could go to work. It made a good excuse to stay home and play games, however.

A few weeks ago he gave her an ultimatum... three months. He now backpedals and says he didn't mean he was going to leave her in three months if she was having trouble. However, at the time he didn't clarify and he certainly didn't correct her when she asked him if that was what he meant. Three months from then would have put it dead in the middle of winter. Winter is notoriously her worst time for the depression to arise. So, he was going to wait until she was really in tough shape and then let her handle herself, her son, and, as it has turned out, her bankruptcy and home foreclosure?

What a nice guy.

...to be continued...


Anonymous said...

Ugh..just ugh.

Going through this divorce, I have heard such ugly things out of my ex's mouth. When he is less angry and tries to explain himself, I actually don't care. Any man who can say cruel things like that means them when they are coming out of his mouth.

And hrm, your daughter's "man" sounds like this one guy I used to date. Not pretty.

whall said...

I've been there for a friend going through ECT. It ain't anything I'd wish on anyone (the ECT part).

Sizzle said...

I am inclined to think that she'd be better off if he left. Who needs someone like that? He doesn't sound like he's supportive. He's just a figure taking up space in her life. It could be freeing for her. Maybe it would be JUST the thing she needs to propel her forward? She clearly has a support system with you and your family.

Jan said...

Well, no wonder she's been so depressed--he, and his behaviour, sound like enough to make anyone depressed.

He sounds totally self-centered, and insensitive..not to mention the fact that he sound like a slob, too.

Sounds like he could use a little therapy, too.

heather fish said...

Wow. I agree with Jan.