Saturday, November 14, 2009

Trying to Keep the Up

I'm trying very hard right now to keep my spirits up. I keep trying to remind myself that I truly am a very lucky woman, in oh-so-many ways. Due to this busy time of the year I haven't been sleeping well. I'm going to sleep okay, but waking at 3 or 4 in the morning, wide awake. If I do sleep, I'm having weird dreams. Weirder than usual, I should say. I usually dream and often remember them, so the dream in itself isn't the odd part. I just seem to feel I'm walking around tired all the time and I'm not shaking it off.

I know that's not helping.

Compound it with not being a morning person in the first place. Then add a daughter that, from no fault of her own, asks a lot of questions. I love her. Don't get me wrong. My patience is just not good right now. She is still trying to put things into place after having some TCE treatments (yes, I spelled that wrong, it is backwards so it doesn't accidently show up in a search). She is a bit frustrated at the moment with the rest of the family because she feels we are all snapping at her and thinking she is a pain behind her back. Partly, that is true, but not because of the questions but because of the other things that she's pulled lately. (See previous posts as well.)

Case in point? I just found out she went and had coffee with a man she met on Craig's list three weeks ago. WTF? What part of "chill out... give it time... learn to live with yourself first"... doesn't she get? I'm so worried she's going to get mixed up with the next loser and because she is so desperate to be taken care of, she'll 'fall' quickly. I know she wants to be out on her own. She talks constantly about looking for apartments and things like that. She hasn't even gone back to work yet! Let alone, gotten through the winter - her bad time. The bad weather hasn't hit, which usually triggers it, and she is already thinking about all the wonderful things she's going to do.

I think I just need some jammies days... some alone time... and some chocolate. Chocolate is good.


Miss Bliss said...

In the midst of such a busy time with the added stress of additional family living with you that you are concerned with, it will be tough to take care of yourself. But I find over and over that I have little to nothing to offer to anyone else if I DON'T take care of me FIRST. So as a friend always reminds me, be gentle with yourself and feed yourself in all the ways you need feeding.

Jan said...

Sue, you have plenty to stress you out, so don't be so hard on yourself.

Waking up at the same time every night, especially during the early morning hours, is a sure sign of depression, which is no surprise to you, I'm sure.

Your daughter is very vulnerable right now, so I can understand your concern for her. I'm not sure how much good it does to tell her that she shouldn't be so wonder you are feeling the frustration that you are.

Even though one has everything that is thought of as 'the good life' as far as husband and love, and material things, doesn't mean that you can't feel the negative emotions that you are experiencing right now.

Just hang in there, my friend. I read something a long time ago that said, "Even if you've come to the end of your rope, tie a knot, and hang on."

It's hard, I know, but you really are a strong person, whether you realize it or not.

Yeah, you are. :)

heather fish said...

A lot you are dealing with right now. And yes, chocolate is very good!

teahouse said...

Yes, think chocolate is the best prescription!

I get like this - letting my mind race with anxiety and worry. Try not to get carried away with hypothetical future will make it easier to deal with the issues immediately at hand. It will make each day easier. And can you take something to help you sleep through the night?

Sizzle said...

You definitely need a jammie day but with everyone in your house, could you get any alone time to really enjoy it? I'm sad for your daughter as she seems to lack self-esteem and resiliency and so she keeps looking outside of herself to fill herself up. I hope somehow she can figure out to rely on herself. It must be so draining to watch/see/experience as her mom.

pat said...

I understand that thing about being vulnerable and settling for "a" man rather than the right one....Been there, married him, done that.... and later you think wtf was I thinking. Thinking is too much work i guess.

Jay said...

I'm sorry that things have been rough for you lately. I hope they are improving. I'm thinking of you.